


Holy water? No thanks

by obaewankenope (rexthranduil)



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Demons and holy water don't agree, Extincted isn't a word Hastur, Gen, Hastur has some realisations, Ligur got deaded, The Almighty has other things to worry about, Unless they're Crowley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 04:10:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19165540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rexthranduil/pseuds/obaewankenope
Summary: Crowley threatened Hastur with a spray bottle. Hastur called Crowley's bluff. But then the trial happened. Holy water? No thanks.





	Holy water? No thanks

**Author's Note:**

> I literally had this thought when rewatching GO last night and, well, I made a post about it and them wrote a bit of fic for it. It's not great but it's fun.

Hastor didn’t deserve this. He was a demon. A good one. Bad but good. Oh nevermind. He was an exceptionally demony demon. And exceptionally demony demons didn’t deserve to have near death experiences because of fellow demons becoming _something else entirely._

Not that Crowley _was_ a fellow demon. Not anymore at any rate. Maybe in the beginning — fresh out of heaven, wings burnt and molting, feathers seared away by the seemingly endless plunge into the boiling sulphur of hell. Crowley had been another demon then. Not a decent one, mind, but he’d gone about his jobs diligently enough. 

Hell he’d even taken on their Lord’s role as tempter in the Garden on short notice. Granted, Crowley hadn’t known he was stepping in for the first angel but he’d still done a great job of tempting the humans into sin.

Hastur had respected him for managing that.

But now—now things had changed. If they had never left Crowley up on earth, if they had sent someone else, if he hadn’t been alone up there, maybe—maybe Ligur wouldn’t have been extincted*.

Watching the ex-demon — what even was he anymore if holy water didn’t harm him? Even their Lord couldn’t answer that question — languish in the bath filled with that destructive water, Hastur had a startling, chilling, all-too-familiar-when-it-came-to-anything-involving-Crowley realisation that he had faced down death without realising it.

Oh, sure, he had believed Crowley at first, when he’d made those threats with his cheap and efficient water-mister bottle but then he’d seen that droplet and the threat had been revealed as a bluff. But had it been? Really?

Who was to say Crowley hadn’t had actual holy water in that bottle and hadn’t been concerned of its effect on him because it wouldn’t _have_ an effect on him?

He couldn’t exactly ask the serpent of Eden. Not now**.

Hastur had to suffer not knowing, probably for eternity. Oh, but he would be happy to never see that traitorous ex-demon ever again.

But why would the desires of a demon like Hastur matter to the Almighty when She could instead enable the desires of an Angel who was Entirely Too Nice Than Other Angels and a Demon who was Just A Bit Less Evil Than Other Demons? That would be ludicrous. 

* * *

 

* Hastur’s grasp on language and grammar had always been a little on the iffy side. Part of the downside of being in hell and not having such easy access to literature. It’s not as if all those authors, poets, and composers were any good once they ended up in hell — too busy suffering eternal damnation with the rest of the workforce. 

** Indeed, Hastur would never be able to ask Crowley if it had been holy water in the bottle or if it had been regular stuff from the tap. Though, of course, even regular tap water could be dangerous under the right circumstances. Crowley would never admit to anything, not when he knew the lack of an answer would drive Hastur to distraction. Lack of knowledge was an excellent method of torture. That was another thing Crowley had taught him just by being his annoyingly serpent-like self.

**Author's Note:**

> Someone said Hastur probably ended up screaming like ten minutes after Crowley left after his trial and, honestly: they're right and they should say it.


End file.
